Monday, December 19, 2011

IVF consult

We had our consult with the head of the IVF clinic and put down our deposit for Feb/March. Everything went pretty much as I had anticipated except the Doctor said that we are on the edge of unexplained fertility since our 6 IUI's did not work. He made some suggestions on what we could do leading up to it but I'm still really scared that we try this and it still doesn't work. Then we will have spent that money for no reason. That's my biggest fear.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Do not speak what you will not do, for one day you will eat your words

At the beginning of my journey of infertility before I could understand what the different methods were I was strong that I would not ever do IVF because that was just too unnatural (please forgive my ignorant 22 year old self, she was well...a bitch).

So those words are now something I have to eat. Our last inject-able treatment was a dismal failure. Such a failure that my period showed up 2 days (!!) before the blood pregnancy test. I allowed myself to have a pity party for one day and only one day. The next morning I got up drove to my conference (that was 3 hours away) and got the blood drawn for my pregnancy test. I told myself that even though things have not gone as planed that we were blessed to still have options available.

So yesterday I got back in touch with our clinic and got the phone number for an IVF case manager. I called her and she explained what all was going to happen and the sequence of events (which was wonderful because I had no clue what all had to happen first). I even got to schedule my appointment for our official consult and a list of labs that need to happen.

Tomorrow I get to speak with the head of the clinic about what our protocol will be. I'm a jumble of emotions and feel more than a little lost when it comes down to all of this. I know from reading other people's blogs that IVF doesn't guarantee success. In fact IVF can be where you find out horrible news. I'm just praying that its not horrible news for me. I have so many worries and so much anxiety built around IVF as a process. It's a process I long to know all the ins and outs of but at the same time would rather not since that means I've done it multiple times. Really this is just a struggle. I know I have a battle ahead of me and I've prepared as much as I can. I just hope it's enough.