Last night I gave myself the first shot in the protocol. Yay for Lupron. I shot up and went directly to bed since I hate side effects.
I feel very conflicted about all of this. You see we spent my paychecks to pay for the IVF cycle and the loudest voice in my head is yelling "if this doesn't work you just wasted a lovely trip to italy". Sometimes I really wish I could shut up the mental voices but I'm not able to. I'm stressing out which is making my neck wrench and be incredibly stiff.
I guess the main thing is that I don't want to be a failure at this anymore. I'm going to do everything I can do to make this work but ultimately its not in my hands. The worst thing for a control freak like me. So I need to focus on what I do have control on: My eating habits, my exercise habits, and meditation habits. I'm starting to train for my second attempt at running a 5k in September for the Giants Race.
I pray for the serenity to gracefully get through the next month and a half.
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