The future is this crazy blurry thing to me. I know there are things I want to accomplish. There are dreams that my husband and I have together. I just don't see how we are going to get there. He wants to move to a small town way north of Sac and I'm ok with that but only if we have kids. If we do that move we would have to completely change careers and one of us would have to work, and the hubbs doesn't know what career he wants to transition in to.
I guess I'm just anxious because things aren't clear. It's not clear that we will ever be able to have kids, its not clear that we will be able to move and change careers to live in the place he wants to live in, and I just have a hard time accepting that. I'm not crazy about the idea of moving out of the bay area, it's a place I've been my happiest and my saddest. I know I have some friends who will actually be closer if/when we move but at the same time I just don't want to change everything.
If I could get some guarantee that we would or wouldn't have kids then I could make more desisions and start moving in a clear direction. These cycles are killing my future vision. I must say that infertility really robs you of having an idea of your own future and it stinks!
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